Rebuilding Together: How Couples Therapy Can Heal, Connect, and Strengthen Your Relationship
At The Terrace, Humanistic Psychotherapy and Complementary Health Practice, we have three experienced couples’ therapists, who support building better relationships for couples. Each therapist is fully trained and qualified in relationship work.
Relationships are the cornerstones of our lives and can bring us immense joy, love, togetherness and support. When there are misunderstandings in relationships, this can often leave couples feeling confused, hurt, rejected, distanced from their partner or a sense of betrayal.
Many couples go through difficult periods in their relationships. Couples therapy can be a powerful tool to help you to move through difficulties and build a stronger, more fulfilling connection.
There are areas that every couple relationship needs to navigate, in order for it to be successful. Our experienced therapists facilitate open communication and help each partner to express their individual needs, feelings, and perspectives alongside hopes for their relationship. This can be a transformative experience, allowing couples to see each other through new eyes and build empathy.
Who comes for therapy?
Couples decide to look for therapy at any stage in their relationship. They may have been together for a short period of time and are looking at whether to continue, be in the throes of forming a blended family or perhaps seeking to explore a good ending to their relationship. We work with couples at all stages.
For example, a couple may not necessarily have been together very long but have reached a point in their relationship where they wish to have a space to discuss what the future might look like, which can involve discussing their core hopes, dreams and values.
There are couples who have been in a relationship since they were very young and wish to have a space to talk, to explore if their values are still aligned or whether they have 'grown apart' and how they can deal with those changes.
Parenting disagreements can get in the way of intimacy and therapy can help address this.
Communication
Effective communication means that the person is able to tell their partner what they are thinking, how they are feeling and subsequently how they are affected by poor communication. Therapists aim to enable couples with how to communicate constructively, expressing their needs and desires clearly and respectfully.
Communication has many different layers and components, and a therapist is skilled and able to feedback to the couple about what is working well and what is undermining the relationship. For instance, if one partner looks away when they are talking, there may be an underlying feeling of insecurity or resentment, which can be addressed in the sessions. Additionally, the tone of how people talk, which may come from their family of origin, may be affecting how they are received. People can be unaware of how they come across to others.
Barriers to open communication can include a person feeling criticised or becoming defensive, which will set up a negative cycle that couples can get stuck in. With careful consideration and reflection, this can be addressed and worked with in therapy.
Understanding and Listening: The Foundation of Healing
The basis of good communication is that each person listens to what the other is saying.
Active listening takes effort and time. Learning to listen to what the other person is saying, without instantly formulating a response, is a skill. This may sound very simple; it is not. It takes patience and an openness to understanding how to accept the other person for who they are. Equally, each person needs to know that they too will be able to communicate, what is important to them. This is part of how to learn to communicate effectively.
Many couples get stuck in cycles of negativity, where arguments escalate quickly and neither partner feels heard. Our therapists can help couples develop active listening skills. This involves focusing on what your partner is saying, both verbally and nonverbally, without interrupting or formulating counterarguments. By reflecting back on what you've heard and checking for understanding, you can bridge the communication gap and foster a sense of validation for your partner's feelings.
Beyond Words: Nonverbal Communication
Communication isn't just about words. Body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions all play a significant role in how our messages are received. Our therapists can help couples become more aware of their nonverbal communication and recognise how it might be impacting their interactions with others.
Managing difference and conflicts
Each person comes with their own history, and together they create a history. From these earlier histories and patterns of relating, couples can get stuck in cycles, which may be negative and destructive, creating conflict. When these disagreements remain unresolved and the underneath issue is an unmet emotional need, this requires careful discussion and understanding from each person.
For example, a partner repeatedly coming home late, without pre warning his/her partner, may create underlying feelings of loneliness, distance or rejection in their partner. These behaviours, thoughts and feelings need to be acknowledged and understood, in order for the relationship to be a secure base.
Recovering from breaches in the relationship
Couples often face difficult life challenges such as health issues, a betrayal, secret keeping or financial difficulties and these take time to look at in depth, understanding how each person is affected and what may be possible in terms of forming a renewed relationship together.
Growing Intimacy: Rekindling the Spark
Intimacy is more than just physical connection; it's a feeling of closeness, emotional connection and shared experiences. Couples therapy at The Terrace can help couples who feel emotionally distant or disconnected. Sometimes, through guided exercises and discussion, we help couples explore the root causes of their remoteness and develop strategies to rebuild emotional intimacy.
For example, this might involve reconnecting over shared hobbies, practicing gratitude towards each other, or scheduling regular quality time for conversation and shared activities.
The Journey of Healing
Couples therapy can be an emotional journey, but the rewards are significant. As couples learn to communicate more effectively, navigate conflict with respect, and build a deeper emotional connection, they can experience a renewed sense of closeness, love, and understanding. Therapy can also equip couples with the tools to manage future challenges and build a more resilient relationship.
Here at The Terrace, we believe that every couple deserves a chance to thrive. Our dedicated therapists are committed to providing a confidential and supportive environment where couples can work through their issues and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Exercises for you to try, as a couple
1. Positivity sharing
This exercise is for each person in the couple to acknowledge what is working well for them. Each person may have a different experience of this, although mostly when it’s working well for one, it’s also working well for the other person. Sometimes this has not been spoken about explicitly. Knowing what each person feels is working, builds resilience and confidence in the relationship.
How to do the exercise:
Agree a time to have a conversation, and create a quiet uninterrupted space, and set a time to keep to. You could start with 30 minutes. If you run over, agree a further time. It’s important this is mutual between you.
First take a few minutes to personally reflect on what is working well in the relationship for you. When you have both thought about this and are ready you can share. Each person shares with the other actively listening.
It may be how a person parents, good time keeping, support with elderly parents/in-laws, good management of finances, sexual relationship, health etc.
So often the focus is on what’s not working, so it can be both reassuring and supportive to recognise the positive aspects in the relationship. When you have completed this, thank the other person and have a short conversation about how it was for you and what you learnt about yourself and the other person. You can do this exercise again too, at any time.
2. On going exercise – the emotional bank account
The ‘emotional bank account’ is an idea that can be useful to help couples consider the balance of positivity to negativity in their relationship. It originates from the work of John and Julie Gottman.
As in any bank account, the goal is to keep in credit. What are you doing in your relationship with your partner to keep your account in credit? Every act of thoughtfulness or kindness can credit your account, as can ‘turning toward’ your partner, for example by responding with interest to their conversation with you about what’s happening for them with regard to their work, friends, interests and dreams about the future.
Withdrawal from the account can happen when criticism, defensiveness and disinterest creeps into the relationship, which can in turn lead to loneliness and withdrawal and the increasing likelihood of disagreements happening that are hard to resolve.
Try and keep score of how your relationship's emotional bank account is doing on a regular basis and be mindful of when you are making a deposit or a withdrawal.
3. Taking Charge of Change – for each of the couple to complete.
Even if the other person is, in your view, the source of the problem, there are things you can do to take back your power and to make a difference in the relationship. This exercise may help you find the places where you have some personal power.
Describe three situations that are representative of something you would like to change in your relationship. In your description, focus on what you do or experience in the situation, rather than how you want the other person to change. Pay special attention to things that you may say or do, rather than what your partner does. Note how you respond to your partner. Write your description as objectively as possible, as if you are an uninvolved third party. After you write your description, let it rest for a day. Then study it and look for as many things as possible that you might have done differently that would have changed the event. You can discuss these ideas with your therapist and partner in your therapy session.
What to Expect at The Terrace
If you're considering couples therapy at The Terrace, here's what you can expect:
Initial consultation: This session allows you to meet with a therapist, discuss your concerns, and get a sense of whether couples therapy is right for you.
Tailored approach: Our therapists create individualised session plans based on your specific needs and goals.
Flexible scheduling: We offer appointments at various times to accommodate your busy schedules.
Confidentiality: Each therapist abides by their code of ethics, including confidentiality and standards of practice.
Taking the First Step
Making the decision to seek couples therapy can be daunting, but it's a brave first step towards a healthier and happier relationship. If you're ready to invest in your relationship, contact The Terrace Psychotherapy and Complementary Health Practice today. We're here to support you on your journey towards a stronger connection.
Ready to make an initial enquiry or appointment? Email post@the-terrace.co.uk